He may say that he loves you, but how can you tell? What if he never even actually said the words? Telling whether or not a guy loves you can be tricky, but it’s doable. You will have to look for different signs, such as how much time he spends with you or how much effort he puts into the relationship. Keep in mind that every guy is different, so not all of this tips may apply to your man.
- They Trust You
Trust means you genuinely trust the other person and don’t feel the need to go through their belongings, constantly speculate on what they’re doing or not doing and open up their heart to you. So if he tells you private things about himself, doesn’t feel the need to go through your phone and constantly investigate every little thing you do… it most likely means he trusts you.
Trust is about letting someone in completely, being the person they can confide in when the rest of the world seems scary or overwhelming. If he comes to you when he’s sad, frustrated or overwhelmed, it’s another MAJOR sign he trusts you. Men only talk to women they trust about deep, private, sensitive issues.
And remember: trust is the most important building block for love – and a huge sign he’s into you. It’s important that you return the favor, and trust him until he gives you a reason not to.
- They Ask For Your Input on Decisions
You know how it would be weird if your partner decided to just up and buy a house without talking to you? Or if they decided to move to a different city for a few months because they wanted to try it out there?
Yeah, that would be weird. That would be really inconsiderate of them, and a huge sign that they probably aren’t in love with you.
(And you should read this article if you’re looking for more Relationship Red Flags)
But if they think of you first when they’re faced with a big decision, if they decide to include you and listen to your counsel when they’re deciding, well, that’s a huge sign they might be in love with you.
- They Give You Lots of Affection
Notice how he treats you. If your boyfriend loves you, he will treat you with respect. That means that he listens to you and cares about what’s going on in your life. He notices the little things that you like and goes out of his way to give them to you. He values you as a person, and he genuinely listens to your opinions. Doing these things shows he honestly cares about you.
And I’m not just talking about sex.
Affection doesn’t HAVE to be about sex. In fact, a lot of couples engage in a lot of sex that doesn’t have much affection in it at all. Sex where he doesn’t look into your eyes or make you feel close and connected to him… that’s not affection. Sex where you don’t feel present and heard, cared for and loved… that’s not affectionate sex.
Affectionate sex can be one of the most intense, bonding experiences a man and a woman can have. But beyond sex, what’s affection?
I’m talking about cuddling, looking into each other’s eyes and letting the world melting away. I’m talking about him putting his arm around you, touching the small of your back and looking you in the eyes with that certain “look” you literally cannot get enough of.
You’d be shocked to know what a MAJOR thing it is for a guy to TRULY be affectionate with a woman. This shows he’s most likely in love with you if he can’t get enough of being close, intimate and connected with you. Honest to god affection, physical closeness, and intimacy go a long way in strengthening a relationship and helping love grow.
- They Are Curious About Your Day
If he truly cares about what’s on your mind, how your day was and how you feel… it’s a major, major sign he’s madly in love with you For real. When a guy isn’t in love, he could give a crap about what you have to say and would never want to just listen to you talk. If he’s genuinely curious, though, and listens (truly listens) this is a HUGE sign he can’t resist you… he’s in love.
It also builds a genuine connection and plants the seed for an amazing, happy, healthy relationship.
- They Have Your Back
See if he’s willing to do part of the work. That is, he should be willing to come up with plans and dates, not just you. You shouldn’t have to schedule everything yourself. If he’s willing to take the lead at least part of the time, he probably cares for you.
- One way to make sure he’s willing is to don’t plan everything. Give your guy a chance to plan dates for you. He should be willing to take the initiative if he cares about you.
Would your partner stand up for you in an awkward situation? Would they step in and defend you, not knowing whether you were right or wrong, but just because they want to be by your side?
People often grow closer together by joining together to fend off outside attacks, be they physical (from snakes made out of spiders) or emotional, like some jerk yelling at you for no good reason.
If some guy is screwing around with you and your guy goes crazy with uncontrollable rage, it’s a huge sign he’s head over heels in love. If someone hurts your feelings and he can’t stand the person, another major sign he’s in love with you.
The bottom line is: if your partner is willing to go to bat for you, it’s a great sign that there’s love in your relationship.
- They Enjoy Spending Time with You
Check to see how much time he spends with you. A guy who loves you is going to want to spend time with you. If he makes time for you on a regular basis and goes out of his way to see you, he’s likely in love with you.
- Watch to see if he blows you off. If your guy doesn’t really care, he’s more likely to blow you off. That means he won’t make time for you as often as you’d like, and when he does, he may cancel at the last minute. If he’s not consistently making time for you, then he probably doesn’t love you.
- Of course, sometimes, a guy is going to have a legitimate reason to cancel on you. However, he should try to give you as much notice in advance as possible. He should also be interested in rescheduling. If he’s not, he may not be that into you.
It’s super important to want to spend time with your partner. After all, you’re in a relationship! You’ve literally decided that you’d rather be with each other than be alone!
So wanting to spend more time with your partner is a very, very good sign.
In fact, one recent theory from a Northwestern University professor named Eli Finkel proposes that wanting to invest time and effort into your relationship is a super important predictor of whether your relationship is going to work out in the long term or not.
So if he loves spending time with you – great. That’s a great sign that he’s in love with you. If he’s avoiding you on purpose, goes out of his way to do anything but talk to you and spend time with you… well, that’s a sign he’s not in love with you. It’s sad, but true.
- They Always Show You Respect
It’s easy to be like, “What, your favorite show is the Big Bang Theory? That’s TRASH. You’re a TRASH PERSON. I don’t RESPECT YOU.”
OK, that might be a bit of an exaggeration.
But seriously, your partner SHOULD have respect for your views, even if they don’t share them.
After all, mutual respect is a key ingredient with love. If they don’t respect you – or you don’t respect them… there’s no way for love to grow.
It’s easy to feel good AROUND someone. In fact, feeling good around someone is often a key ingredient in the start of a relationship and the forming of affection.
If you feel good around someone, you want to be around them more. That’s going to lead to romantic (or platonic) relationships with that person.
Far more rare is the person who makes you feel good about WHO YOU ARE. That person takes the time to understand who you really are, what make you really tick, and then give you affection and validation about it.
Even if they do it subconsciously, this is a super important thing in a relationship. If your partner makes you feel good about who you are, there’s a very good chance they’re in love with you.
- Make sure he’s willing to compromise.Being in a relationship means making sacrifices sometimes by compromising with another person. That means, sometimes he gives a little more, and sometimes you give a little more. For instance, it may mean he’s willing to go see a movie that he knows he’s not going to like, while you’re willing to go to the sport’s bar sometimes, even if it’s not your thing. If he’s willing to participate in some give and take, then he’s probably starting to fall in love with you.
- Understand how the past affects the present.If he’s been in a bad relationship in the past, he may not be as willing to jump in emotionally to this relationship. Therefore, don’t automatically assume something’s wrong if he hasn’t said it yet; he may just be waiting until he feels ready to make a commitment to you
- See if he remembers.Of course, guys (and people) in general are going to forget things, including important dates and past conversations. But if he makes an effort to remember important dates, and he is paying attention to the conversations you have by bringing them up later, then he is likely in love with you
I hope you now have a much better picture of whether he loves you from using these signs. Whether he loves you or not, you need to know about the pivotal moment in any relationship that determines if you get to live happily ever after or he leaves you so pay attention to this next step because it’s vitally important: At some point he starts to lose interest. He doesn’t call you back or he becomes emotionally closed off. He seems like he’s losing interest or pulling away – do you know what to do? If not you’re putting your relationship and the future of your love life in great danger, read this now or risk losing him forever.